Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sybil in the White House

Mitt Romney is like Sybil, the character with multiple personality disorder. To borrow from the deeply Christian Rick Santorum wing, either he is Sybil or he is a liar.


Conservative Evangelicals have been fond of joking, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," and their champion, the next Imposter in Chief, could be the embodiment of the Capital Hill version of The 3 Faces of Steve. On the other hand, perhaps this is insufficient critique of Mitt Romney's latest makeover.



During the third debate, he was the man with the foolish grin, a grin so artificial he looked like he was constipated and overdosed on Visine. With this in mind, electing Governor Romney will be a tribute to the old Beatle's tune The Fool on the Hill, the eyes in his head see the world spinning round while I presume he is eating fresh grapefruit with a bib on, servants trimming his hair, Ann all in awe, 5 sons, in letter sweaters ready to toss the ol' football around.


In another moment, the Governor is the coonskin cap wearing King of the Wild Frontier, but closer to Davy Bullsh*t than Davy Crockett (and less noble than Sonny Crockett.)


Insome exchanges, he appeared as a sweaty form of Richie Rich, say Richie Shvitz, or a skinny version of Newt GingRICH.

Another incarnation is the Three Headed Hydra -- one part Richard Nixon, one part Spiro Agnew, one part Lance Armstrong.

Parents out there could imagine Mr. Romney as an even cheesier Henry the Octopus from the Wiggles.
Herbie Hancock could have played Chameleon in the background.


It seems like one should never underestimate how easily hoodwinked the American people are. Money may not be able to buy you love (sorry Kardashian generation), but it will buy one an election. If you value honesty and sincerity, you are just out of luck.

Your next President may be the greatest shapeshifter of all time.




Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Debate Round Two: Obama TKO

When the bell rang last night, I quickly got sick in my stomach as I thought Mitt Romney came out swinging while Barack Obama was back-peddling. I had to go get a drink of water to settle down. Perhaps this was all the President had to do as well, because soon he was jabbing away at Governor Romney, who was trying to bob and weave but had no legs to stand on. Governor Romney doesn’t have a five-point plan; he has a one-point plan. It is a sketchy deal. Big Bird doesn't like it. The 47% have worked all their lives. Libya was an act of terror.While the challenger got a couple of good shots in, the memorable punches were all thrown by Obama. Want proof? His handlers were all defensive after the fight.

This is always how they do it and the biggest difference in the landscape. When Governor Romney to it to President Obama, we called it like it was. President Obama took a terrible beating. The blood was all over the internet. Everyone owned it. No such reaction on the right.

The right wing never owns up any more. They call it like they want it, which is how they imagine it, and perhaps honestly how they see it. This is the problem exactly: they do not see straight.

This blurry vision is irritating. You cannot pound sense into them. The denial is just like the bloody boxer at the end of the fight oblivious to the beating -- more pride than sense. Look at the litany of issues they have rallied around.

It started with Bill Clinton's misadventures. While we supporters were less than thrilled with Brother Clinton's  escapades, they were both hyper-moral and bloodthirsty. But soon, as always, they had their thrice divorced, prostitute visiting, Jack Abramoff hustling, wide stance, gay Evangelical preacher thing going on, scolding Democrats on social issues.

The Republicans always somehow slide to the right by the Westboro Baptist Church these days. If President Obama went hanging on a tree, they would deny any suggestion that racism exists. Their lunacy knows few restraints. Actually, given Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Hugh Hewitt, Dick Morris, Mark Steyn, and Rush Limbaugh, maybe restraints are the answer. These folks need strait jackets. Is it really madness, or is it simply greed? I can never be sure. But with these folks, it's old-fashioned lock 'em in the back of Joe Biden's pickup crazy.

Obama won the second debate. They can never admit this -- never. All the good Republican folks just interested in fiscal sanity are the real victims. Why they don't abandon them, I'll never know.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Suddenly Republicans are Well-Mannered


Last night, Vice President Joe Biden schooled Paul Ryan, or should I say he took him behind the woodshed for a good old-fashioned beating.

My "dignified" Republican friends, channeling their best, newfound Charlotte Bronte/Jane Austen/Downton Abbey manners, raved about Paul Ryan's presidential behavior. This is what they do.

Biden took the wet behind the ears Ryan and scolded him. Ryan, doing his best, smarmy Potsie Weber turn, pretended to display the small town charm that made us all love Pleasantville and The Help. Can somebody say, "Yes Mr. Cleaver."

In reality, Mr. Ryan is most like the faux-fawning Biff in Back to the Future, insincere and out for the kill.

To think that the party that put crude Sarah Palin and lost stage-trekker John McCain on the ticket to defeat the Democratic Party with the daily insult -- Communist, Socialist, Kenyan -- is now suddenly the dignified example of propriety in the USA requires a short memory.